The scale

308.6

Yes, really. That's what the scale told me this morning. I don't really know what to feel about that. I want to be horrified, disgusted and ashamed, but mostly I feel numb. I've felt helpless about my weight for so long that looking at the scale is like watching a tv screen - I can do nothing but watch and fantasize about making things different in my head.

So I've got to turn it over. No more diets, no more half-hearted exercise regimens. I'm throwing myself on the mercy of those who've been here before, on my friends and my family and the one who created me.

I simply cannot do this alone. My will, my desire and my strength are not enough.

At the same time, however, I have to keep telling myself that the scale is not the final judge of my value as a person. That the ache in my knees does nothing to erase my compassion, that my ever-tightening pants do not take away from my sense of humor, and that my shortness of breath does not mean I don't have a life worth living.

I am smart. I am compassionate. I love animals and I cry when a child is hurting. I am creative. I am kind and hopeful and want to make the world a better place.

I am more than a number.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone