"The environment demands that we eat now. And we mindlessly oblige. When we let the environment decide when we should eat, we are, in a sense, surrendering the sovereignty of our conscious choice over eating as well as our common sense."
- On Environmental Triggers, from Eating the Moment
Since I pretty much have very little clue about what to do to deal with my COE (compulsive over-eating), I've decided to consult a number of sources and combine for an eclectic approach. I've been reading Eating the Moment by Pavel G Somov, which is about mindfulness and eating. My reading today was about environmental triggers, and boy, did I relate to this.
I eat lunch at work (can't knock free) and today was fried things day - fish, shrimp and okra. In retrospect, I did a lot of mindless eating over lunch - I'd received two pieces of fish and meant to eat one. I was half-way through the second before I noticed. And then I started on the okra, because I wanted to save the shrimp - my fave - for last. (Yes, I'm one of those people who eat one thing at a time.) And the thing is? I actually wasn't that crazy about it. And yet I kept eating it because I knew I wanted to eat the shrimp last and what if I was still "hungry" after the shrimp and then had to eat the okra last? Ok, so I'm not receiving any awards for mental health. Anyhow, I then proceeded to eat all of the soggy okra. That I didn't really like, want or need.
Growing up, I learned to clean my plate - apparently, starving children in Africa would starve more if I didn't - and since then, this has become such a habit that I do it without even thinking. (The definition of habit, I suppose. [insert sarcasm here]) And thus, I come to the conclusion that having food on my plate is an environmental trigger for me - signaling something so ingrained and automatic that I don't even think about finishing up, even if I'm not hungry (or decidedly full, even!).
Later, I went out to dinner with co-workers. I knew this was going to be a challenge since it was a Mexican restaurant and chips and salsa is a weakness for me, but I do enjoy socializing with my work friends and since I'm not what you'd call the social butterfly, I try to take my chances when I can. So I went. And cleaned my plate (naturally). Luckily for me, it wasn't the usual ginormous portion I get at many restaurants - although it was probably more than I should have eaten - but I'm not too fussed about this. I was genuinely hungry and I did enjoy my meal.
But the chips and salsa ate my lunch, figuratively speaking. And then when the waitress left a huge pitcher of salsa on our table...yeah, I think you get the picture. It was there in front of me, so I ate it. And then (yes, then, because this story isn't over, and if you're still reading after all this, you deserve cookies - or maybe not, considering), my friends ordered sopaipillas. So, again, I ordered one as well.
I think eating is very much a social experience for me - many (or even most) of my social encounters revolve around food. My family always gets together to eat (and much of our planning/discussion is on menu items), when I go out with friends, it is to eat, when I visit with my grandfather, we usually go out to eat... You get the picture.
To me, there's something about "breaking bread" with another that makes me feel included, part of the gang. Normally, I feel very socially awkward and find myself not knowing what to say or do. For example, at the restaurant, I found myself floundering for words, so I stuffed a chip into my mouth - rude to talk with your mouth full, after all. And thus, even this "environmental" trigger ultimately leads back to my feelings. *sigh*
And if you're still with me after all of this rambling and analyzing the minutiae of my daily intake, I leave you with this: Today was a "bad food day", but I learned from it, and I'm going to count it as a win.
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