Grab-Bag from my readings

"But for some families, couples, and groups of friends, eating has become a relational crutch."
- Eating the Moment, Dr. Pavel G. Somov

I really related to this quote because I can't remember the last time I did something social that didn't involve eating of some sort (not that there are all that many social occasions to choose from recently). I began to take stock and realized that about 80% of my non-work-related interactions with my co-workers involve food, and probably even more than that in my family. Every holiday is centered around a meal (or sometimes a game, although as I'm not a sports fan, my focus is still on the food, either way), when we want to hang out we go out to eat and I even find myself scrounging for gum when sitting in the office talking with my teammates.



I think the scariest part of all of this is that I'm really not sure if I know how to relate to others on a personal level when food isn't involved. My fear of being rejected keeps me pushing others away and pulling food closer. Food doesn't laugh at me, or make fun of me. It doesn't judge me or talk about me behind my back. It doesn't keep secrets. It also doesn't speak the truth. It doesn't hug or smile or love.

And I don't know if I'm desperate enough yet to take this risk.

"Nonaddicted people get all they want every time they eat. Food addicts, on the other hand, never get enough!"
- Food Addiction: The Body Knows, Kay Sheppard

 I've begun reading the above title on food addiction. I'm not entirely sure what I think about it as of yet, but I've read the first chapter and I'd say I related to about 65% of what the author had to say.  One such thing I agreed with is the above quote. I've never really noticed, but after reading that, I can't say that I've ever felt like I had "enough" food. Usually, I eat until the food is gone, until I simply cannot eat any more, or until I feel like to continue eating would invite scorn from those around. Even if I stop eating "the meal," I usually continue to snack on this or that, somehow convincing myself that eating something different and unrelated to the meal I've just consumed will make it all okay.

"If we all have he capacity to feel, then feelings are neither accidental nor incidental and must have an evolutionary purpose."
- The Food & Feelings Workbook, Karen R. Koenig

I eat to avoid my feelings so often that it's never occurred to me that my feelings were trying to tell me something, to clue me in on the bigger picture and help me keep myself emotionally healthy. I don't exactly know what messages I should have been getting from my feelings all this time, but I know that I've never felt comfortable with some feelings - like anger and depression - and would do anything to hide and/or keep from expressing these in the presence of others. And in the process, I think I hid them from myself, as well. As a result, sometimes, I simply do not know what I feel, and end up confused and frustrated and - you guessed it - start eating again!